My Favorite Team, the Worst in the NFL

As I write this, I'm watching an incredibly entertaining game of Monday Night Football between the Miami Dolphins and New York Jets. The kind of game my team used to be involved in regularly. However, they are now about as watchable as those educational programs that help you with your homework. You know, the ones with the middle-aged women speaking incredibly slowly, repeating themselves over and over again, changing the color they write with for every line, just to explain how to multiply a positive number by a negative number?
Yeah, except I actually watched this program for a couple minutes. That's how bad my team is. Allow me to explain, from the beginning:

I love watching football. Ever since I was little, I've been watching football (although, i've been watching everything since I was little, so yeah). The only problem with that is, I live in Los Angeles. There was a time when we had 2 (TWO!!!) teams in LA, both relatively popular. Then, before I really started watching football, before I could really attach myself to one of them (the only player I knew was Jeff Hostetler, for crying out loud), they were gone. One to Oakland (and good riddance, Al), and the other to St. Louis. What to do. Well, I still wasn't watching that much football (I only knew of Hostetler, remember). Actually, the first Super Bowl I remember watching was XXIX, in which the 49ers put a historic shellacking on the Chargers. The next year, I watched Larry Brown lead the Cowboys to their 3rd title of the 90's, over the Neil O'Donnell-led Steelers. Then, watched Desmond Howard of the Packers run through the Patriots. So now I was really watching football, but still wasn't attached to a team. Then it hit me:

BE A FAN OF THE BEST TEAM!

Nowadays, we call that "front-running" or "bandwagoning." Back then, I called it being a fan of the Denver Broncos. John Elway, Terrell Davis, Rod Smith, Ed McCaffrey, Bill Romanowski, Steve Atwater (watch this). Now that was a team I could get behind. Then, Elway retired. They were now led by Brian Griese and Olandis Gary. Who? Exactly. 6 wins + 10 losses = losing me as a fan. It's now 1999, and here I am in fan limbo again. What do I do? Wouldn't you know it, those darn Rams, who had left my lovely city only 4 years ago, had begun doing something with themselves. They were 4-12 in 1998, with Tony Banks quarterbacking and June Henley (even I've never heard of June Henley, but read this) leading the team in rushing (with a remarkably atrocious 313 yards). Of course no one saw what they did in 1999 coming. How could we? Here's what happened, in no particular order. All equally important, not sure what happened chronologically:

1. Signed Trent Green to a 4-year, $16.5 million dollar contract. Injured knee in the preseason, out for the season. Plays a total of 8 games (5 starts) with the Rams before being traded to the Chiefs in the offseason following the 2000 season. Kurt Warner (fresh off stints with the Arena Football League and a Hy-Vee grocery store) would step in and proceed to win two MVP awards and a Super Bowl MVP.
2. Completed one of the most lopsided trades in NFL history when they acquire Marshall Faulk from the Colts for only 2nd- and 5th-round draft picks in the 1999 draft. Faulk goes on to become one of the greatest running backs of all-time. No big deal.
3. Draft Torry Holt with the 6th pick in the '99 draft. He goes on to be the only receiver in NFL history to have 6 straight seasons of at least 1,300 yards and the only receiver to have 6 straight seasons of at least 90 receptions.
4. Grant Wistrom and London Fletcher become full-time starters. While Fletcher only plays 3 seasons with the Rams, he remains one of my favorite players, and Wistrom starts his reign as one of the best defensive ends in the league.

I could go on, but those are the ones that matter. At any rate, 1999 is basically when I started playing fantasy football. The numbers that Warner and Faulk started putting up could not be ignored. And any time a team starts 6-0 (as the Rams would do 3 years in a row, '99-'01), they start to get noticed by the league. And me. All of a sudden, one of the teams who abandoned my hometown (okay, I'm from Long Beach, but still), was looking like a team that I could finally get behind! So, I did it. Proclaimed myself a Rams fan right then and there. And boy was I sitting pretty. They finish '99 with a 13-3 record, beating teams by an average score of 32.9-15.1. That's ridiculous. They are dubbed "The Greatest Show on Turf" (here's why) and proceed to roll through the playoffs and become Super Bowl XXXIV Champions. Ok, "roll" is a stretch. Awesome NFC Championship game vs. Tampa Bay (thank you Ricky Proehl), though you wouldn't know it with the score being 11-6. Then the Super Bowl itself had one of the best endings ever (THANK YOU MIKE JONES!!!). I finally have a team!





















Now that we know why I'm a Rams fan, quickly review 2000-2006.

2000- Start 6-0, finish 10-6. Record a ridiculous amount of points and yards on offense, give up the same on defense, lose to the Saints in first round of playoffs (down 31-7 at one point in the 4th, game ends 31-28).
2001- Start 6-0 again, finish 14-2, best team in the league. Lovie Smith gives us one of the best defensive units in the league. Demolish the Packers in 2nd round of playoffs, beat Philly in the NFC Championship game, go into Super Bowl XXXVI as heavy favorites over the Patriots. Tom Brady owns us, I begin my hatred for the Patriots.
2002- Start 0-5 (how does that happen), Warner gets hurt, Marc Bulger steps in and we finish 7-9. Lame.
2003- Win 7 games in a row in Nov-Dec, finish 12-4. Lose to Panthers in Divisional round of playoffs because Bulger throws 3 picks and Steve Smith goes crazy (especially in OT).
2004 - Go 8-8 with Bulger leading the team, Warner left to NYG. Get absolutely destroyed by Vick and the Falcons in Divisional round of playoffs. Faulk's last season as full-time starter.
2005- Start 2-3, Martz gets fired. Joe Vitt takes over, finish 6-10. Steven Jackson proves to be a stud rookie.
2006- Scott Linehan takes over, start 4-1, then lose 7 of 8 before winning last 3 to finish 8-8. Bulger and Jackson are beasts, but defense is horrific. Miss playoffs for 2nd year in a row for first time since 98. Start of things to come.

The year is now 2007. The Rams are terrible. Linehan was suppoed to fix things, but he just makes them worse. Bulger and Jackson both miss time after Orlando Pace goes down in the first game of the season and is out for the whole year. When your team has to resort to Gus Frerotte and Brian Leonard, things aren't going well. They even bring in Dante Hall, The Human Joystick (as seen here), to spice up the return game. Career suicide by him as he drops from the best returner in the game to being completely out of the game a year later. The defense is in shambles after all of our franchise players (except Leonard Little) leave and are replaced by recycled players such as Will Witherspoon, Chris Draft, Corey Chavous and La'Roi Glover. All of this leads to a record of 3-13. The future does not look good. However, I have dedicated myself to this team, saw 7 years of something to be proud of, and I'm going to stick this out.

Going into 2008, things aren't looking much better. We draft Chris Long, Howie's boy, out of Virginia, hoping that he can spark the defensive line. He gets 4 sacks as a rookie, but it's not much of an impact. We'll see how he pans out. Bulger is sticking it out, but only throws for 11 TD's all year. We even bring Trent Green back! Bad idea. Start 0-4, Linehan gets fired and defensive coordinator Jim Haslett takes over. He wins his first 2 games, over the Redskins and Cowboys, and maybe we got something going now. Not. Lose the last 10 games of the year to finish 2-14, with the 3rd worst scoring offense and 2nd worst scoring defense. Tied with the Chiefs for 2nd-worst record in the league (thank goodness for the Lions and taking away the attention from us), get the 2nd pick in the draft and take Jason Smith, tackle from Baylor. Hopefully he can help our offensive line woes, which is what I'm going to attribute most of our offensive problems to.

We have finally reached this year, and the reason I write this. An analyst on ESPN is asked which team is the worst in the league. Choosing between the Chiefs, Browns, Rams, Raiders, Buccaneers, Lions and Titans, he picks the Raiders. I laugh. At least they have a win. They've scored 20 points in a game, and one of their losses was close. The Rams have one class game, a 9-7 loss to the Redskins. In the other games, they've been shut out twice, have given up AT LEAST 28 points, and have scored 10 and 17 points. If you were keeping track, that means we've been outscored 146-34 (avg. game of 29.2-6.8). The coach is Steve Spagnuolo, formerly the defensive coordinator of the New York Giants, including when they won the Super Bowl. I don't see him sticking around too long.

As recently as 2006 we had an offense, at least, that was in the top 10 in the league. The drop off is staggering. This used to be one of the most entertaining teams in the league to watch, if only to see what kind of craziness Mike Martz was going to spring on us week to week. Now that we've got defensive-minded coaches leading us, the offense is horrific, and the defense still isn't good. Screw good, the defense isn't even bad, it's pathetically miserable. I loathe every score-update text I get because with it brings the bad news of another fumble/interception return for touchdown by the other team, or the completion of a long scoring play. I am usually hoping that the text is just the merciful ending of a quarter, half or game to put me out of my misery. Alas, the season drags on, and the light at the end of the tunnel is probably just a train coming this direction. At least I have a Super Bowl championship and additional appearance to look back on, even if it's quite a ways back.

At least it's not Jeff Hostetler.

Christians in Baseball, featured at the All-Star Game

Aside from correctly picking a Nelson Cruz-Prince Fielder Home Run Derby final, my biggest highlights from All-Star weekend were quotes from Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals and Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers in asserting their faith ahead of the sport they play. I can't find the exact quotes, but I'll try to paraphrase.

Due to his the amazing numbers he has put up with remarkable consistency since he entered the league, Albert Pujols has had the steroids/performance-enhancing drug cloud hover over him recently. These suspicions are, so far, completely unsubstantiated and unfair. There is nothing to suggest he has ever taken any kind of PED, with no real spikes or dips in production, like other players have had. When confronted with this issue just before the All-Star break, Pujols affirmed with great conviction that he had never taken any PEDs or steroids and that they (testers) are more than welcome to come to his house and test him whenever they want. He went on to say that it wouldn't be worth it to take drugs, anyways. Why risk jeopardizing his relationship with God? For what, to get better at the game? Not worth it whatsoever.

At the Home Run Derby on Monday, Josh Hamilton (Home Run Derby champion the previous year) was interviewed live by Erin Andrews of ESPN. She asked him, now that he got a chance to watch it from the sideline this year, what was his best memory from competing in it last year. His immediate response, without hesitation, was the fact that he got a chance to witness to millions of people worldwide, being able to share his relationship with and the good news of Jesus Christ. (Hamilton has a checkered past after being a #1 overall draft pick but falling into drug addiction but being able to recover and work his way back. It's a great story that you should look up if you haven't already.) Naturally, Andrews' first reaction was to steer away from that topic and try to get a baseball-related answer out of him. She brought up the fact that the Yankee Stadium crowd began chanting his name, and he said it was a "close second."

Obviously, neither of those specific comments made any headlines. Reporting in sports tries to stay as neutral on topics of religion as possible, but they were headlines for me. For two high profile athletes to be open with their faith in a very public way (in Hamilton's case, going out of his way to joyously spread the name of Jesus Christ) in a time when you are more likely to get condemned in the public eye than praised for it, I could not be prouder of my fellow Christians. Hopefully other athletes, including myself, can use these examples (in addition to other athletes like quarterbacks Kurt Warner and Jon Kitna) and witness with pride and confidence in the future.

Praise God.

Brett Favre, Go Away, Come Again No Other Day!!!

Dear Brett,

This is an intervention. I am here to help you. Let me make this easy: It's time for you to retire. Literally. Not fake retire. Not say you're retiring, thinking about it, then deciding to play again. Not saying you're retired but waiting for an x-ray to come back to see whether you will play again. No. RETIRE. Definition: to withdraw from one's position or occupation : conclude one's working or professional career. Granted, you still have a top 5 arm in the league. You are the most prolific quarterback in NFL history, what with the most wins, passing yards, passing touchdowns, consecutive games started, etc. HOWEVER, the indiscretion of a wild gunslinger that set you apart from other quarterbacks (and more specifically the ability to get out of the harrowing positions you subsequently put yourself in) is the very thing that now makes you a liability.



Let's forget about your abilities for a second on concentrate on another side of the story. Why come back? To win? A: You've won a championship in the past, albeit quite a long time ago. B: Coming back to win requires coming back to a team with a shot to win needing only to add a piece here or there. This DOES NOT include needing a quarterback, for that is no small piece. The Jets? Really? That didn't work out so well, if a championship was the barometer. And now, thinking about the Vikings? Not only did you throw the Packers under the bus (I don't care how the situation played out, you put them in an impossible situation having to wait for you to make up your mind every year. Thank goodness Aaron Rodgers is panning out pretty well and doesn't seem to have suffered any negative effects from your loitering), but you're going to stab them in the back by playing for a division rival? Are you kidding me? Let's just call you Johnny Damon, shall we?



So, Brett, please heed my advice (actually, the advice of tens/hundreds of thousands). We love how you played the game. We love your toughness, your charisma, your overall ability. Let us have those memories of you instead of this awful nonsense that is playing out. It almost happened with Jordan, but you are teetering on the brink. Please.

Sincerely,

Jacob, your fan of the past.

Greg Paulus- To QB or not to QB

In the spirit of Around the Horn, I am going to buy this idea. Paulus was the top quarterback recruit in the country after his senior year in high school and turned down Notre Dame (amongst others) to play point guard for Duke. Now he's going to try and play quarterback for the University of Michigan Wolverines and their coach Rich Rodriguez. I say, go for it.

Here's the thing. Paulus hasn't played football in 4+ years. You don't just come back from that. Football is not like riding a bike. There is a ridiculous amount of timing involved that even pros get messed up on during bye-weeks. He only has one year of eligibility, so he has to get accustomed to the offense and all his teammates in a ridiculously short amount of time if he's going to make it worth it. Additionally, when was the last time Paulus took a hit? He couldn't even give a straight answer to that question during his interview on PTI last week.

HOWEVER, this has the potential to be awesome, for multiple reasons. It's not like Paulus is just some scrub who's trying out. There's something to be said for someone who is a former top recruit. You don't just lost the ability to quarterback, though it takes time to get back in the rhythm. Also, Paulus' experience at Duke is invaluable. He's been in big games with millions of people watching and in hostile settings for the last 4 years. I would trust him to handle a pressure situation better than most college football athletes. As for the actual football playing and running a system, I think Rodriguez's spread offense is perfect. Spread offenses don't require a standard, pocket quarterback who can survey the field, step up in the pocket and deliver an accurate, strong throw with 300 pound linemen bearing down on him. Instead, the spread offense allows the quarterback to move around, in and out of the pocket, and create plays with his arm and legs. I see no problem having Paulus running options and things of that nature. His years as a point guard have trained him to recognize holes and small open spaces in tight spots in the defenses and not only be able to move the ball well, but maneuver himself through them, as well. He won't win the Heisman, he won't even be All-Big Ten, but Michigan is starting over after the disaster that was last year. Since Ryan Mallot left, they have no established quarterback. Paulus is going to battle multiple other players vying for the starting job, and if he earns it, I guarantee it will be entertaining to watch. Good luck, Greg.

PS: Paulus gave a horrible interview on PTI that was way to political. C'mon Greg, answer questions and stop beating around the bush!

3-Pointers: The Bane of College Basketball

The glory. The reward. The quest for something more. The 3-pointer is the most tantalizing opportunity for the college basketball player. It is also the biggest headache and pet peeve for this college basketball fan.

I will not argue the place of the 3 in the NBA, for it is not nearly as big a problem in the pros as it is in college. In college, teams shoot 3's at a ridiculous pace. And most of the time, they are completely unnecessary.

In college, there is a 35-second shot clock. The team has 35 seconds to work the ball around court and look for the best possible shot. Lay-ups are definite possibilities (look at the Princeton offense). Mid-range jumpers? Run a screen-and-roll or pick-and-pop, and those are open all day. Run a 2-man game with a big man in the post, you're either gonna get a good look from the block, an open cutter through the paint, or another open jumper. These are easy things for players to look for. Except they don't. They look for the first, semi-open shot. Quite often with 18-22 seconds left on the clock. The most frustrating thing about this is that a open 3 can be had at any given time. Literally, you can shoot an open 3 ANY TIME YOU WANT!!! Why not spend a few more seconds running through the offense a little more, making a couple extra passes, looking for a better shot. If it's not there with 6-8 seconds left, fine, go for the deep look. But for cryin' out loud, a mid-range shot is a much better option, and a layup is a near-lock. Teams live and die by the 3-pointer. Why not just live by everything that's closer? Never heard of a team suffering because they attempted too many layups. Besides, what if you make the shot and get fouled? Now you got 3 points a much easier way. Just saying.

Alex Rodriguez and Steroids.

Let's get one thing clear. No one is surprised. I will not be surprised if anyone else ever tests positive for steroids or other performance enhancing drugs from now on. Only disappointed. Now, some thoughts about A-Rod.



1) What an idiot. It's an over-the-counter drug, from the DOMINICAN REPUBLIC, that you know NOTHING about, that you are INJECTING into yourelf. HELLO! And no, you were not "young and stupid." You were 25 years old with over 6 years of professional experience. You should know better.

2) He says he felt the pressure to perform and live up to the contract he signed. Alex, you were given that contract for a reason. You had already proven you could perform at a high level (actually, one of the highest). There was no need to give yourself an added boost.

3)There are more details that he is not giving us, which is unfortunate. He has a chance to be the first guy to really stand up and take blame for what he's done. Granted, he has told quite a bit already and that is commendable on its own in relation to what the other offenders have done. But there are so many more details that he is glazing over that it is still difficult to fully take him at his word. If Rodriguez really cared about getting this out in the open, he would've done it in 2004 when he was informed that he had failed a test. Obviously we don't expect anyone to come forward with this information, but don't try to tell us how good it feels to put this out in the open when you've had more than enough opportunities to do it in the past.

Other aspects of this issue:

Bud Selig- Yes, you are somewhat to blame. You are the Commissioner of baseball, it's your job to make sure things are running smoothly. When they're not, you have to fix it. This issue is 10+ years in the making, and we are just now starting to see significant change. Where were you at? Congratulations on being the Commissioner who allowed steroids into baseball and did little-to-nothing about it.

Punishment- There shouldn't be any. Obviously I don't approve that 104 players tested positive for performance enhancing drugs, but at they time they were not banned by the league. As for future positive tests, I go with David Ortiz and Ozzie Guillen (that's a first): 1-year suspension for 1st positive, lifetime for 2nd. If you're gonna keep Pete Rose out because he bet on his team to win, then you gotta keep out performance enhancers whose play actually has an effect on the game.

The Leak- What self-righteous prick decided it was his duty to out Rodriguez and none of the other 103 players? The only reason the player's union agreed to these drug tests is if they were kept confidential. Good job dude, now the next collective bargaining agreement is gonna be incredibly difficult to agree on.